Struggle. What a word. Its a word we all know and see and look at and probably even experience. I struggle to make this blog and keep up with it. I struggle EVERY SINGLE DAY. With something, I struggle. My latest and most on going struggle is my faith. Having the faith that is concreted in God. Trusting in him to take my life and make it his. To help me. For me, It is so hard to relinquish any control to anyone. I want it my way or the highway. Thats just the trouble with me I guess.
But you see, the thing about God, he doesn’t want to be my copilot, letting me drive and taking over when I can’t go on any more. He doesn’t want that at all. He wants to be the pilot AND the copilot. He wants me to be a passenger maybe having a small say in the direction we are going but in the end, it is his decision to make. THAT SCARES ME TO DEATH. How can I trust anyone with that much power in my life? How can I let someone have complete and total control of what I do like that?
Today, someone said something to me that made me feel a little bit better. He said, “If your faith hasn’t been pushed and tested to the limit and you haven’t at least questioned God’s presence in your life at this point then something needs to happen. You need to be seeking him more until you can say and know that without a doubt that God is on your side and that he is there for you. You need to think of any scenario and work through it and still know that God is God. Realize that no matter what you do God is going to love you NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO. Your faith has to be concrete, strong, and whole”
Bottom line: That is exactly what I needed to hear today. I have felt so far from God’s presence for so long. I have been running in the other direction from what I should be doing. I should be clinging to him with everything that I have, but instead I have been running and trying to do everything on my own. I have put God in the copilot seat and he hasn’t been happy there. Sure, God has been so patient and is continuing to be patient with me. I am working and trying to gather up the pieces of my faith that I have broken all around me. The faith that I had built so high, I have shattered it. Slowly but surely, the wall that is my faith is being constructed once again. This time, stronger. This time, my own without the help of my parents or whoever else. It’s mine. No one else’s.
There are times in my life when I feel so overwhelmed. I feel like there is a wave constantly washing over me and it is hard for me to come up for air. These times in my life are the times I do not trust in God and talk to him like I should. Why am I finding praying to my Lord so difficult? I know we used to be in a terrible place that did not allow me trust in him. I thought I was past that but I can’t bring myself to pray to him. I have this inner struggle with myself that is constantly putting me at war with myself. I am fighting the battle of searching and trying to find that peace within myself to trust in God and talk to him. I am wrestling with myself to just be his friend and let him be my savior.
God knows us better than we know ourselves. He is so amazing. Sometimes when I think about my life and how I have lived it, it has not always been for the glory of God. I have done some pretty dumb things in my short time on this earth. I am just so thankful that he is in control and that whenever I need him and need help he is there for me.
So basically I’m feeling pretty blessed today.
God Has passion For his People. For YOU. He will fight battles, slay enemies, shake prison cells, and break chains in order to make you completely His own.
So this quote was brought up in bible class tonight. This sounds like God is our Prince. If we think about any prince in any movie it sounds just like him. Prince Phillip in sleeping beauty, for example, searched and searched for Aurora. He battled the dragon and fought to find her. God is doing the same for us everyday. He is fighting for us. His passion and devotion for you and me is more than we will ever deserve. It is an honor to serve such a God. Never have a doubt in your mind that you are not good enough for God. You are. Every blessing you have is proof. Sending his son to die for us is all the proof we need. God is incredible and I am so happy to serve such a wonderful God that treats me like a princess.
1 Thessalonians 4: 3-8
So we read this today in class. GOD has given us a spirit of holiness… wow. That is a lot to take in. What God wants from us to live up to a certain standard. It is so wonderful to think and to know that God has made me holy. Only through him and because of him can I be holy God is too good to me. I am so glad he give me the strength that I need to obtain the holiness that he has intended for my life.